Everything I need to know about Facebook I learned in Kindergarten.

Share everything.

Especially that time your cat’s hairball looked like the Heisman trophy.

Play fair.

Use your brain. Not that Scrabble Word Finder.

Don't hit people.

Or tag them when they look hideous.

Put things back where you found them.

Unfriend. It exists for a reason.

Clean up your own mess.

Delete. It exists for a reason.

Don't take things that aren't yours.

Unless sharing something makes you look hipper and more irreverent than you already are.

Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.

Unless you’re not.

Wash your hands before you eat.

Totally your call.

Flush.

It exists for a reason.

Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.

So are wine, cheese fries and truffle oil. I swear.

Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.

This one is just stupid.

Take a nap every afternoon.

It gives everyone else a break from your incessant stream of consciousness.

When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.

Since you’re always at your computer, this really doesn’t apply.

Wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.

This one is just stupid.

Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.

Not on Farmville they don’t.

And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

The second biggest was LIKE.